Sometimes its not about happily ever after, its about being happy right now...
Today I realized that I absolutly love my life. Johanna and I went to her friend Amelias 1st birthday party today. Amelias mommy Norma is a good friend of mine who went to high school with me. As the girls were playing (and Johanna was playing!) Norma and I just talked about everything that had to do with our daughters. At that moment is when I actually realized, im someones mother. Not only that, but im proud of it! It was so strange to be on the other side of the situation. I used to be the little girl playing, now im the one saying "Johanna take that out of your mouth!" I know johanna needs me for food and comfort and all that, but I think I might need her more. She saved me from going down a bad path. I hate to say it, but I believe that without her being here today, I probably wouldn't be a very good person. She has opened my heart and truely shown me what real love is. I once heard a saying that said, " Being a mother is to choosing to have your heart walk around" I can say now that I 100% know what that means. I know johanna is a miracle baby and an she's my angel. She takes care of me without even knowing it.
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Johanna.. 2 1/2 months old
my love
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February
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- Me and ms chunky monkey!!
- good day today
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- Tonight I got some upsetting news
- Tonight I got some upsetting news
- throw up is gross
- we took pictures today!!!
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- Today was a very long day...
- shes sleeping!!! so ill add some pics really quick!
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February
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About Me
how preemie moms are chosen...
Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting hisinstruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As heobserves, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger."Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used toprofanity."Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles."Give her a preemie." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God?She's so happy.""Exactly," smiles God."Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? Thatwould be cruel.""But does she have the patience?" asks the angel."I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a seaof self-pity and despair.Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence sorare and so necessary in a mother.You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy.""But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She hasjust the right amount of selfishness."The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally,she will never survive.Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.She will never take for granted a spoken word.She will never consider a step ordinary.When her child says momma for the first time,she will be witness to a miracle and know it.I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.She will never be alone.I will be at her side every minute of every day of her lifebecause she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.""And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised inthe air.God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."
2 comments:
wow wht a difference a week makes..look back at your blogs..se how a little rest and some time makes it all ok..when the dust settles we will all be better than ok..just keep loving and appreciating her..we r all in better places because of our angels
seans mom
:( (tears) so sweet....you are so sweet Kim. I believe that you are more than a good mother, you are a beautiful person who is growing, learning and loving....Johanna may have been exactly what you needed, they come when they are supposed to. We have to hear the world tell us what is right, what is wrong..but at the end of the day, when we go home to those that do not judge us...who just love us for who we are...that is where the truth is, isnt it?
You are a wonderful, wonderful, beautiful woman and I am so proud of you Kim.
You and Johanna are in my heart forever and ever...
Christine
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