tired...

So its almost 4:30 am and I've been here about 7 1/2 hours. Im tired. I wish Johanna was home so I could take care of her there. For her 2:30 feeding, she threw up... a lot. So much effort when into throwing up on her part that she was literally sweating. Her hair drenched. I wish I knew what was wrong, at least then I could try to help her, but I have no idea and I just feel like crying. Some good news is that she isn't breathing as hard as she was before. But occasionally she will. Its a step. Dr. Simko is here tonight. I can't help but feel like he intentionally ignores me. He checked on every baby but Johanna, maybe the other babies are sicker, im not sure, maybe im just being insecure, but I wish he'd at least come talk to me about what's going on with her when im here. I want to buy Johanna a valentines day outfit for Johanna but who knows if shell even be out for valentines day. Im dreading the fact that they might need to put Johanna back on the oxygen. They had to use that air bag thing about 4 times tonight. I hate to admit it now, but she might still need the oxygen. Not a thought I want in my head. Well guess ill just watch Johanna sleep for a couple more hours. Pray that she will do better...