Some days ... the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again- Meridith grey
September 19th 2007 i was admitted to Dameron Hospital. when i arrived i was diagnosed with Pre-eclampsia and soon there after, HELLP syndrom. After a 6 days in the hospital, it was decided. i needed to have an emergency c-section. it was time, and i was terrified. Johanna Araya was born at 10:52 am on september 25th at 1 pound 9 ounces, at 14 inches long. after i had johanna i was sent to post pardum where i was closely watched to make sure that i did not siezure. i still had not seen my baby, nor would i get to for the next 50 hours. it was hell. The X-rays done showed that she had damaged lung tissue, but nothing drastic. And to everyones suprise, no ventilator. She was hooked up to an IV which was her food. but i continued to pump and pump. there were so many wires and monitors. i was terrified. i cried whenever hers went off, and by cryed i do mean bawled. i had no idea what was going to happen and i was so in love with my little girl and fearing that she might not make it, that i wasnt paying attention to my own health. a week after i gave birth, the doctors found that i had a DVT in my leg. they would have to admit me, because it could be fatal. i stayed in the hospital for about 2 weeks. thought i was better, left and came back again for 3 more weeks, when i was transported to Hayward hospital. i finally got to go home and see my beautiful baby, getting bigger and stronger with every day. i called every night to hear her weight while i was gone, just so i could rest easier knowing that she wsa at least getting bigger. i prayed and continue to pray every night for my daughter and all the other babies in the NICU. i also pray for the nurses and doctors who truely are angels without wings. One nurse who has truely helped me a great deal was christine, she made me feel like i could do it. i could do this. i can care for my daughter and se taught me not to be scared. she let me treat my baby as MY BABY. i get to be a parent. which means the world to me. aslo Tita. she is amazing along wit all the other nurses who have given all the love and care that Johanna needs. And Donna, She makes me feel good when i call everyday like 5 times a day!! she knows i worry and always answers the phones so nicely, makes me feel that it is okay to check up!! i appreciate everyone there. Johanna is still on oxygen and who knows when she will just realize that she needs to come home. shes coming up on 3 months christmas day. ALL i can do is leaved it in Gods hands. and pray for everyone. well i will be updating this, i think "blogging" will help me get through this! haha
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Johanna.. 2 1/2 months old
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how preemie moms are chosen...
Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting hisinstruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As heobserves, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger."Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used toprofanity."Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles."Give her a preemie." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God?She's so happy.""Exactly," smiles God."Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? Thatwould be cruel.""But does she have the patience?" asks the angel."I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a seaof self-pity and despair.Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence sorare and so necessary in a mother.You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy.""But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She hasjust the right amount of selfishness."The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally,she will never survive.Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.She will never take for granted a spoken word.She will never consider a step ordinary.When her child says momma for the first time,she will be witness to a miracle and know it.I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.She will never be alone.I will be at her side every minute of every day of her lifebecause she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.""And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised inthe air.God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."
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