"Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn’t just about being tough. It’s about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’s okay to let down your guard. In fact there are moments when it’s the best thing you can possibly do… as long as you choose your moments wisely."
It seems as though just as i thought i was getting it right and finally accepting whats really going on with JOhanna and not crying every second of every day, im slowly falling right back into it. i ate that. i know i need to be strong for her but for some reason i cant even be strong for myself. ive gotten away from the "why me" aspect of everything, but now i wanna know "why her" now that shes getting older i see her little personality. she is such a beautiful and special baby, all i want is the best for her. it just doesnt seem fair. she doesnt deserve this. She still hasnt come off her oxygen and i just wish she would. ive learned not to ask why, because god does what he feels we can handle, but i tried to do everything right, and nothing went as planned. She will be 3 months old on christmas. In my silly way of not trying to take this situation so difficulty, me and my brothers made a bet. when she would come home. i said christmas eve. i know now that t his will not happen. i think deep down i did it so that i could hold on to something. to the possibilty of her homecoming. i guess ive had to much time to think about things. hopefully tomorrow will be better
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment