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Johanna.. 2 1/2 months old
my love
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how preemie moms are chosen...
Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting hisinstruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As heobserves, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger."Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used toprofanity."Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles."Give her a preemie." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God?She's so happy.""Exactly," smiles God."Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? Thatwould be cruel.""But does she have the patience?" asks the angel."I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a seaof self-pity and despair.Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence sorare and so necessary in a mother.You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy.""But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She hasjust the right amount of selfishness."The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally,she will never survive.Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.She will never take for granted a spoken word.She will never consider a step ordinary.When her child says momma for the first time,she will be witness to a miracle and know it.I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.She will never be alone.I will be at her side every minute of every day of her lifebecause she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.""And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised inthe air.God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."
2 comments:
Hey there Kim and Fernando,
I am so happy to see that you are able to express yourself. Sometimes just talking things out, writing them, yelling them, crying them out, makes you relieved and revives your soul. Holding in emotions can only make you feel more sad.
You two are incredible, loving, kind, generous parents. I am so happy to see two people that love eachother so much, working together, growing up together...it is a beautiful love that you two have.
I am so thankful to be a part of Johanna's care. She is a beautiful angel baby and I enjoy being one of her nurses.
Kim you and I have had many conversations about how much your life has changed since you had your baby, I have seen the changes in you over the last 3.5 months, watching you grow as a mother with your baby, and I am soooo proud of you Kim! And Fernando, working so hard to take care of your beautiful new baby Johanna and wonderful new mommy Kim, your family....many many things to be proud of yourself for too....new daddy, new mommy and lots and lots of love.
I know, the last thing anyone expects going into a pregnancy is that their baby gets admitted to the intensive care unit, let alone imagine their baby staying there for months. I know, you pray a million times a day, sleep less, eat less, cry more, worry more....and that is all because you love your baby. And although these things were not in the plan, not in the story tales or on the special delivery movies on lifetime...there will be a reality soon of you having Johanna home with you, out of the unit and into your home. Maybe not tomorrow, or within this week, but very very soon.
I would not tell you to "Be patient" or "dont worry"....how can you be either patient or worryless, I can not ask of something that I myself could not do...but I can tell you that she will get better, she will improve..and she will be home before you know it.
Thank you so much for starting this blog, you can share it with other parents in the unit if you want to...your family, your friends...the more support you have the better....keep writing, sharing, laughing, crying....it makes you feel alive and valuable.
Johanna is your baby,I am but a very expensive baby sitter hehe...I am glad to help you not be so afraid, oh how different you are with her now...telling your mom, "its ok." You made me smile to see your confidence.
Stay strong, together....there is nothing greater than the strength of love.
See you in a few days, I am off for new years...I will toast you all and as always pray for Johanna's health.
Fondly,
Christine Moles, RN
NICU Dameron Hospital
Kim and Fernando, and Grandma,
Just want to let you know that Johanna is a Big Angel. I've seen her grow from day one. I know how frustrating it must be, but know this that God knows when she will be able to come home, no one else. It's in his hands. I see her everyday and she is awesome. You have the best nurses taking care of her, rest assured.
Part of my job Kim, is to make the parents feel comfortable. I would not care if parents called every 5 minutes. Moms and Dads are just as important as the nurses. Just like the Kangaroo care that is so important. Remember your first experience.
Continue your studies and someday you'll be doing what Christine and Tita have taught you. You'll be a wonderful nurse Kim.
Be strong and God Bless all of you.
Donna Valdivia
NICU Unit Clerk
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