Me and ms chunky monkey!!

good day today

Johanna took her 1st trip to old sac! It was kind of rainy though, so we decided just to get some sushi and leave haha. My sister visited this weekend and it was awesome and she spent most of the time holding johanna, nd when she left and it was time for bed, johanna was not happy! Fernando and I are contemplating a move. It will be so hard for me to just up and leave everyone I care about, but I think I need to move back to orange county. Stockton hasn't been a good influence on me and I don't want that for johanna. I miss who I used to be, the person I was when I lived there. I want johanna to have a similar childhood to mine. Beaches, bonfires, sun and heat 24/7. But I know how much I will miss everyone. The move won't be until probably the end of the year but who knows. Well goodnight<3

Hating myself just about now

So about a week ago I had a doctors appt for myself, just a checkup, just some bloodwork and what not. So I went home and a couple of days later, my doc calls me and asked me the first day of my last menstrual cycle. The last time I heard a doc ask me that, it was their nice way of telling me I was pregnant. So the doc does indeed tell me that im pregnant. And she said based on the date I gave her, I was about 10 weeks. So we scheduled me a doc appt for an ultrasound for two days after the phonecall. That night I couldn't think straight. I don't think im ready for something like that this soon, and what if god forbid I get pre eclampsia again? But then as the night progressed, I became a little more excited. The thought of having my two children close together always had my attention. So I wasn't so worried after that. I found calm in it, that's the strabgest part. Well I went for the ultrasound. And yes. Indeed there was a baby. But there was not a heartbeat. I was heartbroken that my body would do this. It may not have been planned and I know I got excited to quick. But maybe its for the best. So they did a "cleaning" right there. It was awful and my heart still hurts along with the rest of my body. But I have decided not to tell fernando. He's such a worrier and I love him for it, but I can't bring myself to tell him that I've failed àt yet another pregnancy. I know this had nothing to do with johanna but I needed to get it out somewhere. Ill be taking it easy and tryin not to be too obvious. And sorry to anyone who may not have wanted to read this. On another note, Johanna is doing well, laughing and smiling and all. I find it so funny that these babies are so innocent. She has no idea the pain that comes along with being an adult. And I wanna keep it that way for as long as possible.

:/

This afternoon I received some news. Im still a little upset, not angry, but upset, nd I don't think iim ready to post it just yet. But I did need to get that part off my chest. Im just going to clear my mind nd relax for the next couple of days. Even tho im a little sad, I look at johanna sleeping, nd all my concerns and worries fly out the window.

Buh Bye ROP

Yup, thats right. Johanna had her forst eye exam today. when she was discharged they said she had mild ROP and that it may or may not correct itself. Well today, her eye doc said it did, he said her eyes are perfect! broke my heart to hear her scream, but it was necessary. Also, Johanna got to see the lunar eclipse tonight. it was beautiful. There wont be another one til 2010, so i am glad i got to share that moment with her

lovin it...

Johanna got good news today. My sister, her aunt is coming to visit!!! Yay! She hasn't seen her since she was 1 pound! I am, I mean WE are so excited she is coming! Well hopefully johanna goes to bed soon, its getting late.

Goodnight<3